


if our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Series: doctor/river ficlets :) [4]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, Tumblr Prompt, soft spacewives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29178816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: The universe had compromised, it seemed, and given her River; the one person who knew her better than anyone - even herself.
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Series: doctor/river ficlets :) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033860
Kudos: 42





	if our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

**Author's Note:**

> posted this lil thing on tumblr earlier today and thought you lads might wanna read it over here. enjoy!
> 
> title from Clarity by Foxes & Zedd

The Doctor sat up from bed, turning on her side to look at River. Finding each other again was such amazing luck on the Doctor’s end - after watching Gallifrey burn yet again, after the Master, after the Cybermen and Time Lords merged into one as the most destructive race in existence, after discovering the mind-boggling truth of how she came to be - she wanted nothing more than to rush into the arms of someone,  _ anyone _ who knew who she was. 

The universe had compromised, it seemed, and given her River; the one person who knew her better than anyone - even herself. 

It was with tearful kisses and extra-tight embraces that they greeted each other again. Their reunion was nothing but blissful serendipity, hour after hour spent laying in each other’s arms and exchanging sweet, hungry kisses every time their lips met until they fell asleep.

But now the Doctor was awake. She could not help but feel so grateful to River for being here - for showing up just when she needed her. Of course she would; she was clever and she always knew when the Doctor needed her. She just wished that she could enjoy this undeserving miracle that came out of nowhere.

But her dreams were full of those mutant Cybermen and Gallifrey on fire; her being trapped in the matrix and using memories of herself to break out. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around River and stay curled up in their bed until the universe ended and turned to dust - she could not contemplate ever stepping outside the Tardis feeling how she does right now.

“Sweetie?” came River’s quiet voice, filled with sleep and confusion.

The Doctor took a moment to shut her eyes and savour the feeling that came over her at the sound of her wife’s voice. She’d almost forgotten just how much of her wife she missed - the way her hair was simply  _ everywhere _ as they slept, the way she crinkled her nose as she snored, the way she curled into her in her sleep, the way her voice sounded particularly sexy when she woke up. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” the Doctor responded quietly, turning back to her and smiling fondly. “Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

But River frowned, blinking blearily as the Doctor stared at her. That was another thing she almost forgot - how goddamn adorable she looked when she was still waking up.

She sat up and reached out for the Doctor’s shoulder, her hand curving to accommodate the Doctor’s small size. “It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway,” she lied, and when the Doctor gave her a disbelieving look she rolled her eyes and conceded. “Alright, I just want to feel you next to me while I sleep. Is that a crime?”

“No,” the Doctor grinned at her wife. “That is perfectly fine.”

“Good.” River nodded, though her lips turned into a small smile at the look on the Doctor’s face. She raised her hand and cupped the Doctor’s cheek, her finger lightly tracing under her eye. River’s smile turned fond and reverent as she looked at the Doctor. “What’s bothering you, sweetie?”

The Doctor sighed fondly at River. “You always know, don’t you? Always so clever,” she said, shaking her head as her own hand reached up to circle River’s wrist gently. She pulled her hand down and started tracing Gallifreyan words and symbols across her palm. “I went back to Gallifrey. Remember how I told you it was saved?”

River nodded.

“The Master - he destroyed it. Burned it to dust. When I went there, everything was ruined - only smoke and ash left,” the Doctor said quietly, and River instinctively moved closer towards her on the bed as the Doctor traced the word  _ fire _ into her hand. “And he said that he discovered the truth about all Time Lords. That we weren’t what we were told - that  _ I  _ wasn’t what I was told.”

“He must have been lying,” said River, frowning and shaking her head. The Doctor wrote the word  _ truth _ across her palm this time. “He just wanted to cause trouble.”

“That’s what I thought,” the Doctor said wryly, but then she sighed and looked down at River’s hand again, this time tracing the word  _ lies. _ “But then he proved it to me. He showed me - I’m the Timeless Child, River. I came out of nowhere, dropped from the sky on Gallifrey. I should have died after falling off a cliff but my mum - she found me again, but I was different. With another body. She conducted experiments on me. She spliced my DNA into Gallifreyans and - and -”

“Doctor,” River said in horror. “Doctor, she  _ experimented  _ on you?”

“I don’t remember it,” the Doctor shook her head. In River’s palm, she traced  _ memories _ . “I don’t remember anything. I was used by the Time Lords. I - I had whole other lives I don’t remember, River. Lives I lived, people I met - and each time they simply reset the clock so I would forget it.”

“Sweetie,” River whispered emphatically, her voice shaking. “Sweetie, I am so, so sorry.”

“I don’t know who I am, River.” the Doctor whispered to her. She looked up at her wife and saw tears in her eyes. Her own vision was clouded by tears too and she sniffed, grasping River’s hand. “I wanted to find you. I thought... if anyone knew who I was it would be you.” 

River smiled softly at her, squeezing her hand in comfort. “Of course, darling. You’re the best person I’ve ever known,” she said softly, lifting their hands to press a wet kiss to the back of the Doctor’s hand. “You are great and kind and you save so many - you’ve helped so many. You are more than the DNA they stole from you, my love. You are  _ good _ . And good people - they’re hard to come by.”

The Doctor let out a shaky breath as she looked at her wife, staring until her eyes burned with tears that fell. She bowed her head and pressed their hands to her chest, feeling more thankful than ever that River was back again. She cried into her hand for a few moments before lifting her head and looking at River, who watched her with the most loving, tender expression on her face.

“I love you, River Song,” the Doctor whispered hoarsely, her eyes rimmed red as she stared up at her wife with eyes that expressed just how devoted she felt to her. Affection gushed up inside her for her wife and she knew that only River could give her that kind of assurance with merely a few words; she would only accept that from River. “I’m so,  _ so _ happy you’re back.”

She pulled away from her hands and traced the word  _ home _ into her palm. River smiled faintly, her eyes still full of tears as she stared at the blatant adoration and affection that the Doctor so readily displayed for her. 

“Home,” the Doctor whispered. “It finally feels like home with you here.”


End file.
